Saving My Memory

*Lest anyone jump to conclusions, this photo is of Caleb and I, our first day home from the hospital nearly two years ago now*

I woke up this morning with the most bizarre, panicked feeling rising in my chest, just before I opened my eyes to face my day. The thought suddenly occurred to me that I have hundreds of photos of Caleb (seriously, hundreds) in digital format saved on both my computer and a separate hard drive, and almost none in a format I can readily access—much less share with my son.

Why this made me panic is still a little fuzzy, but I think it has something to do with the realization that my memories are fading. And in light of welcoming a new baby into our lives, the specific and clear memories I have of Caleb's baby-hood will become less and less sharp against the backdrop of all the newness. The last thing I want to do is find myself wondering . . . Did Caleb do that too? What did Caleb look like at this age? Was Caleb eating this . . . playing with that . . .talking this way . . .? I already struggle remembering some of those details as my son progressed through life that first year, and some of the second for that matter. Fortunately, I kept a little notebook where I wrote down such details as:
• First Smile: Three weeks
• Rolling over: Four weeks (front to back)
• Reaching for toys: Five weeks
• Sleeping through the night: Six weeks
• 7-9 Months: Says "bla-bla-bla" "pa-pa" and "Mmmmm" (in relation to food he enjoys).
• 8 Months: Sits up independently
• Began crawling on 7/17/07 (ten months of age)
Such details are really only important to me, and I know that part of the reason I wrote the above (and much more) down, was because I am so very aware of how slippery my mind can be.

But what to do with that information . . . and all those pictures? Especially now that I will be adding hundreds more of this new baby to the already massive collection? (These were my early-morning pre-coffee thoughts).
At least Caleb's photos were organized my month . . .

So I started searching this afternoon for a solution.
I wanted to create something that I could share with Caleb—which meant it had to be physical (not virtual, as in this blog). It had to accommodate pictures and text, as I wanted to put all my notes in one place (other than a quickly-decaying little notebook).

And so now I have started creating a photo book—an upgraded photo album. Nothing fancy, nothing crazy or overly-involved. . . But a great project none-the-less. And when finished, I will have a book that contains all the important stuff—the pictures and the notes . . . my memories—so my overly full and tired brain will have one less thing to try and contain.

What fun I have had this afternoon journeying back through time . . . re-living Caleb's birth, those first few days at home as a new mom, and the following weeks and months that turned me into the person I am still desperately trying to become:
A good mother . . . patient, kind, attentive, consistent, and desperately in love with her children. . .